Redemption, Forgiveness and the room to make mistakes ...

This is really rough, I will try to edit this when I have time. I would love to hear ideas from other people about this.

I am fascinated with ideas and themes of "redemption" both for individuals, groups and perhaps even societies. I feel redemption, forgiveness and the ability to just "be" human and make mistakes and to find hope to rebuild and remake oneself are sorely lacking in American society despite our "Judeo-Christian" background. These days Political Correctness, hyper vigilance, paranoia, and a focus on punishment rather than rehabilitation have led to a society that lacks compassion and the room for people to "breath", grow, make small mistakes and then grow up. We have a culture of "zero tolerance" and punitive measures that brand people for life with legal charges and a paper trail for things that in years past would have earned them a warning or some 'wall to wall' counseling. We even believe in life time punishment for crimes, even after someone has served their time. Felons in some states lose the right to vote even AFTER fufilling their prison time. At a time of war many men who have made mistakes as teenagers are now barred from serving the country.

We have created a society that is over regulated, de masculinated and de personalized. Children can no longer be children, there is no room for making mistakes, boys can no longer be boys. There isn't even room to grow up and explore life as everyone is expected to be in a career or college, then MBA's and of course decked out with corporate sponsorships and IRA's and Mutual Funds before they are even out of high school.

Origins: Hawaii, Land of my Youth

I am Originally from Hawaii...

... and I grew up there till age 22. Lived for a time in Los Angeles before settling in Portland Oregon, and recently Seoul, South Korea.

I Miss Hawaii to the core. Life isn't the same for me, something is missing without the Ocean nearby. And I am talking about a warm ocean I can swim in. I miss Island life, I miss a slower pace of life and not feeling so rushed and hectic and I miss not having to "schedule" time with friends like it was a business meeting. I miss warm easy smiles and the spirit of Aloha.

I like the simple things in life. Corona with Lime, coconut trees, cool ocean breezes, the smell of salt in the air, shave Ice, girls in bikini's, talking story with friends. Working hard, and playing harder. The satisfaction of a job well done. The smile of a friend. Hugs from mom. Home cooked meals. Doing nice things for other people. Opening the door for a lady. Kicking back and having a bbq. Going on hikes. Listening to reggae concerts back in Hawaii, or anywhere for that matter, Laughing often and loving intensely. Bob Marley!! Loyalty to friends and family. Doing the best we can in life with what we are given. Always shooting for our goals and following our dreams and passions.

This is my Favorite Quote:
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by the dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again;
who know the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worthy course;
who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly;
so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."
-Theodore Roosevelt(Paris Sorbonne, 1918)

A Little History: Before Korea, La Legion Etrangere

BEFORE KOREA, I went to France and tried to join the French Foreign Legion. (December2005-January2006). I can't even describe the feelings you get walking up to that gate for the first time, thinking that this could be it, this could be your last taste of freedom for 5 long years.

I spent a month in France in some wild circumstances, though in the end the Legion selection commission decided not to take me despite my passing all the selection tests and interviews. I made it farther than 85% of the guys (They only take about 1 in 10 applicants, then lose another 20% in basic training, maybe half end up finishing a 5 year contract, that's the real test I suppose). They may have sent me home due to my age, lack of prior military and being American(westerners,i.e. those from Developed Countries tend to desert in much higher numbers due to the hardship).

I was looking for a gut check and some other things I won't go into. I don't regret a thing, except not getting in. But things happen for a reason, I have had some very vital and life changing experiences since I returned from France. Also as far as that goes, I am still alive and in good health, I just might go back someday. Going to the legion is a very personal journey, and people do ask me why I went and why anyone would want to join the French Foreign Legion. My response is a quote from George Mallory (the famous British Mountaineer who climbed Everest three times, dying on his last expedition in 1924, though his body was not found until 1999) who was asked why he wanted to climb Mt. Everest, his reply was "If you have to ask the question, you won't understand the answer." He is also known for the quote "Because it is there" in response to repeated questions about why he would want to climb Everest.

Though oddly, while the types of people I met in the Legion are much different than those I have met here in Korea, some of the same drive to push ones boundaries and a drive to find new experiences and better oneself are there.(The people in the Legion were both much better and much worse than people I have met elsewhere. It is an extreme place. I bonded closer to a few guys there than I have to most people I have met in Korea in over a year). Though one reason I liked the people in the Legion better overall than many teachers here in Korea is that guys came to the Legion as a last resort. They had nothing, came from poverty and I met many guys who desperately wanted another chance in life, who wanted a way to support their families or a chance at French citizenship. So many teachers here (not all of course) act like the stereotypical drunk, ugly Americans(or New Zealanders, Canadians, Irishmen, etc). Too many spoiled kids with no respect for another culture complaining about trivial shit (food, mannerisms, language, etc).

THE SUMMER BEFORE I went to France, I was on a WILDLAND FIRE crew in Oregon (20 person handcrew), and I was also a top Salesman and Regional Promoter for a small Northwest sports energy drink company based out of Washington.

Current Life: Korea

"There are many unique paths to our final destination."

TODAY (MAY 2007), I am living in South Korea, 20 minutes outside of Seoul. I have been here for 14 months (Since February 2006) and will probably be here until February or March of 2008 (I just re-extended my contract again).

I AM TEACHING ENGLISH to kids age 6 to 12 (Kindergarten through Elementary School). Coming to Korea was one of the best choices I have ever made in my life. It is hard to describe, but it really helped me grow up, and puts a lot of things in perspective. Being so far away from home, and friends and family can be hard, yet is liberating at the same time. For me teaching is a totally new work experience. It has allowed me to learn about myself and gain some great perspectives on teaching kids, and on humanity in general. I will say this, kids are kids no matter what country you are in. There are challenges living in a totally new culture and adapting to a situation where absolutely everything in your immediate world has changed.

I needed the change. Honestly I had made a lot of bad choices about things personally and professionally in the last couple years. I was a bit lost and needed a bit of a "timeout" to get my head on straight. I am glad I did. Coming to Korea saved my life in some ways, or at least my sanity. I faced a lot of personal demons, and did a lot of growing up, did a lot of soul searching and self reflection. Being in another country and away from home and your "problems" helps give you some perspective and it helped me refocus and re prioritize my life.

Most people who come here are trying to find something, adventure, new experiences, a chance to grow up, or even a little space to put off making the "big decisions" about life. You will find answers even if you were not asking any questions. Coming here is a sort of "DAILY LIVING" adventure, unlike wild crazy adventures to live with 3rd world tribes or joining the French Foreign Legion. But here even trips to the store can be a bit of an adventure with all the language and cultural differences. Every day becomes a little mini adventure, sometimes you really don't know what you will encounter. The whole experience helps you get the space you need to sort things out and to plan your next move in life. Some people who come overseas to teach decide to stay on longer, others stay on permanently and make it a life choice.

AS FOR TEACHING, WELL...It can be one heck of a challenge, I love working with the kids for sure. I think they have taught me to be a more open, loving, kind, understanding and above all PATIENT person. Then there are the days I can't stand the sight of sound of children, though I still adore 'em, don't get me wrong. As a teacher I find I need those child free days. Weekends doing things where hopefully there are little to no children around. But yes, the little beggers ARE cute. I still want to have my own kids someday, so that is a good sign I think.

The active part of teaching is great, but then I did direct sales and promotions of a sports energy drink before coming here. I love people, I am comfortable in front of people. Kids are different, they are WAY MORE demanding. But I love em! I love leading and directing the class. But I will never become a 'regular' teacher as I loath paperwork and administrative B.S., report cards, writing tests, grading, and general prep stuff. I like to get in there and engage with the kids. Get them fired up, talk, debate, joke, play, etc. Well, unlike a lot of folks here I have no interest in going back home and being a teacher or doing this as a career. But I do enjoy it, I have a LOT of respect for professional teachers to be sure. They do NOT get paid enough or get enough respect.

Becoming a teacher wasn't planned but I HAVE DONE A LOT IN MY LIFE.

My first job was as a pizza cook and deli sandwich maker (I prefered the title, Sandwich artist).
I have been a bookstore clerk/supervisor (maybe 4 years of that, I love books), Music Store slacker (Tower Records, haha WHAT Insanity!)).
I have been a Landscaper assistant, a construction laborer and worked with concrete.
I have done security work at an International Airport, as well as tended bar, and been a bouncer and door man at a Latin Dance club, and a doorman and a bellhop at a hotel.
I worked as a dishwasher, prep cook, busboy, barback and a waiter.
I was a personal trainer at the YMCA in Honolulu(no joke), and a front desk person at Gold's gym and 24 hour fitness.
I was a circulation desk clerk at my university library.
I even spent a couple years as a "tea master" at a fine Asian tea house (The Tao of Tea in Portland, I was there when they first Opened).
In the last few years I was a regional promoter and a sales man for a sports drink company as well as a wildland firefighter.
Right before coming to Korea I went off to join the French Foreign Legion.
I am now a kindergarten teacher! Life can be surprising :) I plan to do a LOT more before my time is up...

As for the future? Well...THE FUTURE IS WIDE OPEN.

I have eight more months here in Korea. I was hoping to travel a little around Asia. I especially wanted to see Malaysia, Philippines, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos and Thailand.

But I might put that off till I later (may well come back for one last year of teaching). I have a lot to take care of at home. I want to visit friends and family. I especially want to see my mom as her health isn't that great. I have to see her while I can, she means the world to me. I do plan on visiting Hawaii to see some old friends and to spend some time hanging out with my brother. Of course I intend to hit the beach as much as possible. :)

When I get back home I need to take care of some personal 'matters', old debts and a few other things. Then I will decide on my next course of action. Perhaps I will come back to Korea or teach elsewhere in Asia. I could join the Peace Corps, the Legion, the Army, or go back to University for a Masters Degree. Being who I am I have a few crazy ideas to push life's boundaries and drive my friends and family sick with worry. :) I just don't do "normal" very well.

Whatever I end up doing, I am interested in new challenges, pushing my limits and hopefully doing some good along the way. Time will tell ... But, you can pretty much count on the fact I won't be settling down to a nice quiet life anytime soon. :)

The Legionnaire's Thoughts

THE LEGIONNAIRE'S THOUGHTS

The Legionnaire is a volunteer.

Most often, he has come to the Legion to escape from his past.

Generally, he has joined because of a personal or family crisis or an upheaval in his social or political life. Striking examples of this can be found in the mass enlistment of Alsatians after 1871, of Spaniards in 1939 and of Eastern Europeans after 1945.

For others, those who are unable to deal with the limitations of a middle-class life, the Legion represents a life of adventure.

In the enlistment procedure, selection is very tough. Many candidates are turned down for medical reasons, or after a thorough study of their individual cases. The legionnaire is seldom an angel but never a criminal.

Once he has joined, under an assumed name if he wishes, the legionnaire enjoys an unequaled protection for as long as he serves, because of the anonymity rule. Only he can decide when to break it.

Coming from all over the world, with such different origins, languages and ideals, it would seem that they have nothing to share.

But they have one thing in common : they refuse to be mediocre. Rejecting easy solutions, the legionnaire has bravely broken with his past and his family.

Having lost his roots, he is ready to give all he has, even his life. This state of mind binds the legionnaires together and explains their unrivaled cohesion sealed with discipline, solidarity and respect for traditions.

The legionnaire is first and foremost a man of action, brave in combat and eager for change. He disdains idleness and routine.

He is generous to the point of sacrificing both his money and his life, and never loses trust in his leaders.

This trust fosters attachment, and the ties between the legionnaire and his leaders include as much respect and admiration as true and sincere affection. Alive, he will follow them everywhere, dead, he will never be abandoned.

That's why one perceives the Legion as a large family. A man who has left behind his past, his social and family background, transfers to the Legion his need of an ideal, his affection equating the Legion with that of a homeland, to the point of sacrificing everything to it with a generosity which has astonished the world. That accounts for the motto on the front of the Legion's Museum :

LEGIO PATRIA NOSTRA

Embassy of France in the United States - February 26, 2001

I have a Rendevous with Death

I Have A Rendevous With Death

I have a rendevous with Death
At some disputed barricade
When Spring comes round with rustling shade
And apple blossoms fill the air.
I have a rendevous with Death
When Spring brings back blue days and fair.

It may be he shall take my hand
And lead me into his dark land
And close my eyes and quench my breath;
It may be I shall pass him still.
I have a rendevous with Death
On some scarred slope of battered hill,
When Spring comes round again this year
And the first meadow flowers appear.

God knows 'twere better to be deep
Pillowed in silk and scented down,
Where love throbs out in blissful sleep,
Pulse nigh to pulse, and breath to breath,
Where hushed awakenings are dear . . .
But I've a rendevous with Death
At midnight in some flaming town,
When Spring trips north again this year,
And I to my pledged word am true,
I shall not fail that rendevous.

--Alan Seeger

Alan Seeger (1888-1916), born in 1888, was twenty-two when this photograph was taken while he was a student at Harvard. Six years later he had his rendezvous with death at Belloy-en-Santerre on July 4, 1916.

Seeger spent two years in the French Foreign Legion; as an American citizen he could not join the French military, so he did the next best thing and joined the Legion, since the United States had not yet entered the war against the Central Powers.

After graduating from Harvard in 1910, Seeger lived for two years in Greenwich Village where he wrote poetry and enjoyed the life of a young bohemian. The poetry he wrote then and while he was at the front was not published until 1917, a year after his death. Poems was not a successful work, due perhaps, according to Eric Homberger, to its lofty idealism and language, qualities out of fashion in the early decades of the twentieth century.

Poems was reviewed in 1917 in The Egoist, where the critic commented that "Seeger was serious about his work and spent pains over it. The work is well done, and so much out of date as to be almost a positive quality. It is high-flown, heavily decorated and solemn, but its solemnity is thorough going, not a mere literary formality. Alan Seeger, as one who knew him can attest, lived his whole life on this plane, with impeccable poetic dignity; everything about him was in keeping." The man who wrote this review of Poems was T. S. Eliot, Seeger's classmate at Harvard.

The French Paratroopers Prayer

"The French Paratroopers Prayer"
"Priere des Parachutistes"

God, give me what you have left
Give what no one else ever requests
I am not asking you for rest, or tranquillity
Neither that of the soul, nor the body
I am not asking for wealth, nor success, or even health
You are asked for all of these so often
That you must have none left.
Give me, God, what you have left
Give me what no one else wants
I seek insecurity and disquiet
I seek torment and combat
And God, give them to me indefinitely
That I am sure to have them always
Because I won't always have the courage to ask you.
Give me, God, what you have left
Give me what others don't want
But also give me courage, strength and faith

-Translation of a part of "Priere des Parachutistes"
Written by Andre Zirnheld, Para Officer,
KIA in Lybia on July, 17th 1942...